


I'm Sorry

by imasloppybitch



Category: IT (2019), IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King, IT Chapter 2, It Chapter 2 (2019)
Genre: Alcohol, Beverly Marsh is a Good Friend, Character Death Fix, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, In this household we combine all the canons to fit our needs tbh, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Past Abuse, Stan is still dead bc im trash. Sorry, Trauma, We're digging into eddie's trauma here dudes, anyway tags will be updated with story, as will characters, clueless eddie, remember i said we're digging into eddie's trauma? welll richie's too, richie experiences a microaggression and eddie doesn't know how to cope w/ it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-04 12:23:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21197612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imasloppybitch/pseuds/imasloppybitch
Summary: Eddie survives and now the losers have to cope with something almost as scary as pennywise- real life & trauma





	1. i'm sorry

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” the hospital room echoed as Eddie’s clammy palms gripped at the textured sheets, feet twisting in panic more than pain.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Bev was the first one to stir, standing up and shuffling closer to Eddie’s side, whispering.

“What’s going on? Where am I? Fuck, am I hurt? Shit, did you tell Myra? I’m so sorry, god I’m an idiot,” Eddie ranted, still unaware but much more lucid than his past few gasping revivals from morphine induced sleep.

“Hey, Eddie, it’s me,” Beverly whispered, crouching down to be at eye contact. “You’re fine, you’re safe. You’re in a hospital, but you’re okay.”

“It! I killed it!” Eddie shouted, shooting up in the bed, loudly groaning with pain. “I saved Richie!”

“You did,” she smiled, Eddie seemed to be becoming lucid. She stepped aside to open his line of sight to Richie and Bill, both curled up like contortionists in their own chairs. 

Eddie sighed and laid back against the pillow, staring dazed at the ceiling. 

“How long’ve I been in the hospital?” Eddie asked.

“We’re on day four now. This is the first time you’re really with it, though,” Bev told him.

“So nobody told Myra yet?” he asked, closing his eyes.

“No, not yet, Eddie. We thought you’d want to talk to her.”

“Sure,” Eddie said dryly. His eyes fluttered open with realization as he asked, “So where’re Ben and Mike? They’re okay, right?” 

“Yeah, they’re fine. Mike’s been dealing with all the logistics in Derry, you know incident reports, talking to the police, contacting families, and of course nobody wants to talk to him about it, but he’s trying. Ben’s been back and forth from here and the Inn, doing work and um- calling lawyers- uh for my divorce.”

“Good for you, Bev,” Eddie said with a sleepy smile. “You deserve better.”

“Thanks, Eddie, you do too, you know.”

“Whatever,” Eddie waved his hand in the air, like brushing away the thought. 

“And why are you and Richie and Bill sticking around?”

“Nobody’s leaving ‘til we’re all okay. Losers stick together.”

“That they do,” Eddie hummed. He turned on his side, away from Bev, “I think I’m going to go back to sleep.”

“You don’t want me to call a nurse for more meds or anything?”

“I’m not hurting too bad, Bev, I’m just going to sleep.”

The next morning, Eddie awoke to a whispered argument between the three.

“He what? And you didn’t even wake us up?!”

“I didn’t want to overwhelm him, it was five minutes!”

“It’s a good thing, Richie, there’s no need to fight over a good thing!”

“Oh your new boyfriend’s not around so you gotta get your old one to defend you?”

“I don’t need anybody to defend me!”

“Beep beep, Riichie! 

“Oh sure, always beep beep me! Never beep beep Bev for-”

“I’m sorry, guys,” Eddie said, turning to face the direction of the voices.

“Eddie! Eds!” Richie gasped, all of the frustration that was pent up in the lines on his forehead released as he turned away from Bev and Bill to look at Eddie, awake and okay, nervous but okay. He rushed to the seat beside Eddie’s bed and sat down, immediately scooting it as close to the bed as possible. “Listen, next time you want to play doctor, you don't have get stabbed by a giant world-eating alien, alright, just ask.”

Eddie laughed and sat up, coughing as he did so. “Don’t tell me you’re the one who dressed my wounds, make sure to ask the doctors to make sure I don’t have any infections.”

“He didn’t dress your wounds,” Bill said, approaching the foot of the bed. “He sure did carry you all the way here, though.”

“He what?” Eddie laughed, turning back to Richie.

“It’s all the strength I’d built up from fucking your mom all those years.”

“Beep beep, Richie,” Eddie laughed. 

“Listen, don’t get mad at me, it saved your life.”

“Why don’t you-”

“Hey guys,” Bill interrupted. “Since Eddie’s finally up, we’re gonna run to the hotel real quick, get showers. We’ll bring back coffee and food, tell Mike and Ben.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure,” Richie said, barely noticing Bill as he stared at Eddie with the biggest smile he’d worn in days.

“Okay, thanks guys,” Eddie said, propping himself on his elbows. “You don’t have to worry about getting Mike and Ben, though. You guys don’t have to keep waiting around for me, I’m obviously fine.”

“Losers stick together, Eddie,” Bev said seriously before laughing a little. “We’ll be back in a little while guys.”

“Don’t kill each other before we can all be here to celebrate.” Bill said, pointing a commanding hand at Richie and Eddie.

“I can’t say what this one’ll do, I’m the one keeping our Eddie Spaghetti safe, carrying him all the way to the hospital!” Richie defended ruffling Eddie's hair.

“I’m only here because I saved your life!” Eddie shouted.

“This is exactly what I was worried about,” Bill laughed, as he and Bev left the room. 

Richie and Eddie both laughed, relaxing back in their respective seats. 

“Thanks again, Eds, for risking your life to save me,” Richie said quietly once the door was closed behind their friends.

“Don’t mention it,” Eddie laughed. “Makes up for the time I almost didn’t save you upstairs.”

“Yeah, but, you really did almost die, Eddie.”

“Thanks, I can tell,” Eddie said, gesturing to the hospital bed he was laying in.

“No, I mean, in the deadlights, I saw-” 

“Oh,” Eddie said quietly. He shook his head and said, “Let’s not talk about It yet, huh?”

“Oh yeah, sure,” Richie shrugged.

“I am real sorry, though, Richie,” Eddie said quietly. 

“Sorry for what, dude? You pretty much killed that fucking clown.”

“Yeah, but I was a fucking idiot about it, I wasn’t-”

“Eds, you were perfect. Your always perfect, my Eddie darling.”

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie mumbled, the most natural response to anything Richie said, honestly.

“Darling?” Richie said, putting on the most flippantly charming smile he could muster.

“Well, yeah, that too, but I meant Eds.”

“Oh so you prefer darling, huh?”

Eddie laughed and rolled his eyes, “You really are something else, Richie.”

“You didn’t beep beep me that time, you sure you don’t like me calling you darling?”

Eddie laughed and flopped down against the pillow dramatically. “I’m exhausted and you’re exhausting me faster. You’re bad for my health Mr. Tozier.” 

“I’ve known that since we were kids,” Richie laughed. “It’s the only way you could rebel, though. Being friends with me, letting me destroy your health.”

Eddie laughed and then stopped laughing too quickly. He cleared his throat and said, “I think I’ve got to call Myra.”

“Eddie, I feel like she’s gonna hurry over here and kick us all out, blame us all.”

“Probably.”

“I’m not ready for that again, not yet. Are you?”

“Not really.”

“Wanna give it a few days? I think us losers all deserve a few days where we’re all safe and happy. Just a few days.”

“She’s already livid, I’m sure, I think a few more days is doable.” 

“Thank god,” Richie sighed, his shoulders dropping, which was when Eddie realized how nervous he’d been. “In the meantime, let me show you this new routine I’m working on.”

“You’re already working on a new routine? I thought you didn’t write your own jokes!”

“Yeah, but you know Bill’s gonna use the material from killing a giant space clown for his new book, I gotta use it for my act first!”

“You can _ not _use this for a comedy routine, you fucking idiot!”

“I can do what I want, asshole! Now shut up and let me tell you some jokes!”

“No, where’s the call nurse button, I need you removed from this room!” Eddie shouted, giggling as Riche started reciting shitty jokes over Eddie’s voice, the two of them busting out laughing periodically. 


	2. friend of dorthy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even with It defeated, Derry's still a small town :( 
> 
> But at least the losers are good friends who love each other and support each other and want each other to be happy.

Richie woke up with Eddie’s movements. Richie wasn’t sure where he was, if he was in another dream or another life. But he wasn’t. Eddie was waking up and laughing immediately as their friends entered with a box of stale coffee and a box of donuts.

“Just in time!” Richie said as he sat up with a big grin, sliding off of the bed and making his way back to seat right next to the bed, which has been his for the better half of the week. “I swear I almost fell asleep, he was telling me about his job again!”

“Oh shut up, Trashmouth, you’re the one who was crying about not sleeping in a bed in days.”

“No I was crying about missing your mom’s bed!”

“Settle down, guys,” Mike laughed, as he and Bill placed the boxes of coffee and donuts down on the table. “I don’t think either of you needs coffee.”

“Uh, excuse you, I do!” Richie argued, standing up from his seat.

“You shouldn’t even be getting the sugar from the donuts!” Bev laughed.

“You can’t police me! Or Eddie for that matter!” He looked over his shoulder back to Eddie. “You want some coffee, my Eddie Spaghetti?”

“I want you to not call me Spaghetti.” 

“Sorry, Eds, want some coffee?”

“Oh my god, yes just bring me some coffee and shut up!”

Everybody got themselves a donut and coffee and settled into the same spots they’d been in and out of all week. Mike leaned up against a wall, Bill standing beside him. Ben and Bev in chairs next to each other, Richie right next to Eddie’s bed. It felt right. They laughed with a lightness that made it seem like they’d forgotten everything behind them.

And they spoke like they did too. No clown talk. No abusive exs or abusive wives. No Bowers. No questions about Richie being in bed with Eddie. No apologies. The only mentions of the past were about Stan, or the things that made them laugh harder.

When a nurse walked in, Bev was helping Richie egg Eddie on in a stupid debate while Bill took Eddie’s side and Mike and Ben tried to keep the peace. There was no fluent conversation, but it didn’t stop. Richie didn’t notice her as he yelled obscenities at Eddie. 

“Excuse me, I’m sorry. I’m just here to take some vitals, Eddie,” she said to him, she did not look pleased. Richie vaguely remembered seeing her right before they fell asleep, making Richie get out of bed as she took his vitals. Not acknowledging him after that.

  
“Oh yeah, sure,” he said, with a shrug, sitting up in the bed a bit.

“The doctor’s planning on moving you out of the ICU in a few hours, then you’ll have to stay one more night under observation, but you should be released tomorrow.”

“He’s walking out of here with a clean bill of health?” Richie asked with a bright grin.

“You’re looking much better, Eddie,” she said, ignoring Richie.

  
“Shit man,” Richie turned back to Eddie, “I think they cured your asthma.”

“Asthma?” she asked.

“Oh, it’s nothing, it’s a joke,” Eddie said, smiling sweetly before reaching over to pinch Richie’s arm, who gave an exaggerated squeal. 

The nurse waited patiently before getting to work, checking Eddie’s blood pressure, asking him questions, listening to his long winded and medically coded answers, which Richie couldn’t concentrate on. 

“And remember, when you get moved out of ICU, visiting hours aren’t 24-hours anymore, they’ll be six am to nine pm.”

“What about family?” Richie asked quickly.

She smiled and left the room without another word. Richie felt like he had a fucking slur stamped on his forehead.

“What the fuck was that?” Eddie asked as soon as she left the room.

Everybody was silent.

“What? That wasn’t weird? Nobody else noticed that she was acting fucking weird?”

“Yeah, it was weird Eddie,” Bill said quietly.

“What the fuck was that about? She was only rude to Richie!”   
  


“Yeah, Eds, we get it,” Richie said.

“No c’mon, I mean-”   
  


“Can I beep beep Eddie? Is that a thing I’m allowed to do?” he asked everybody else, who seemed to want to look anywhere other than at Richie or Eddie.

“Beep beep me? I’m standing up for you, Rich! She was being-”

“God damn it! Beep beep Eddie!” Richie pretty much shouted. He stood up and said, “I’ll be back, I have to use the restroom.”

“There’s a bathr-” Richie didn’t listen to Eddie yell at him about there being a bathroom in the room.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked. He shouldn’t be angry at Eddie, but he was. Or maybe he was frustrated. Or hurt. Eddie really didn’t see why she would be a bitch to Richie. Maybe it really was all in Richie’s head- the dream of mutual feelings, of being on the same page. 

He went out the side door, where he’d gone with Bev so she could have a cigarette on the first day. He didn’t have any cigarettes, but he needed some air, somewhere nobody’d bother him.

Nobody, except for one of the fucking losers.

He was on the ground, sitting against the brick wall, staring at the ground when he sensed somebody standing close to him. And then sitting on the ground next to him. With a cigarette held out in an upturned hand.

He smiled over at Bev and asked, “Did you follow me out here?”

“I mean, I just figured this is where you’d be.”

“And you followed me?” he asked, leaning forward into the lighter she held up for him to light his cigarette.

“You looked like you needed to talk.”

“Oh all of a sudden somebody wants to hear my trashmouth-”

  
“Shut up, Richie. If you don’t wanna talk about it, you don’t have to, but-”

“There’s nothing to talk about!” Richie said with a laugh that felt trapped in his throat. He cleared his throat, ignoring the way his vision went blurry. He wasn’t going to cry. He took a slow drag from the cigarette, coughing afterwards.

“It’s cool, it really is,” Beverly answered. She put her arm around Richie’s shoulder, letting her head rest against Richie’s. “I get it, we all have shit we refused to acknowledge or ignored or willed to be fake. You don’t have to talk about it, you can even keep ignoring it if you want. I just want you to know, you don’t have to anymore. It’s finally safe to let yourself feel.”

“Thanks, Bev,” he whispered. He didn’t know how to tell her it wasn’t safe. Honestly, he didn’t even know how founded that was.

Bev smoked more than Richie, who more or less let the cigarette burn out between his fingers to keep himself from coughing again. Richie was pretty sure Eddie would yell at him for smelling like cigarettes if the topic came up. When they were kids, Eddie never said anything when Bev smoked (unless he was directly in the path of the smoke) but he yelled at Richie on the very few occasions he smoked. That thought made Richie smile a little. He put the cigarette out on the ground when Bev did and the two of them stood up.

  
“You’re ready to go in?”

“Sure,” Richie shrugged.

“You should probably apologize to Eddie.”

“I probably should.”

  
“Are you going to?”

“Probably not,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets. He sighed. “Thanks Bev, for coming out with me.”

“It’s what we do, we’re friends, you know? We take care of each other. We’re there for each other.”

“God you don’t have to say it like a Hallmark card.”

“Sorry if you wanted something more poetic, you’ll have to talk to Ben.”

“Fair enough.” He paused and rubbed the back of his neck, “You guys seem like you’re gonna be really happy. Good for you, you both deserve it.”

“Thanks,” she said quietly. “I think we all deserve it.”

“Fuck, there you are, sounding like a Hallmark card again.”

Bev laughed and gently shoved Richie before saying, “You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s hard to imagine being happy, though. At least until we’re out of Derry, maybe.”

“Yeah, even with It gone, Derry doesn’t seem like the best place to be happy.”

“Especially if you’re gay,” Richie said quietly, because he had to say it out loud. Because he felt safe saying it in the crowded hallway where nobody but Bev was paying attention. Because Bev felt like a good person to tell. Because twenty odd years of not saying it had finally begun catching up to him.

“Yeah, Derry doesn’t seem like the best place to be gay,” she said quietly. She looped her arm around Richie’s.

“Hey, I know I’m a friend of Dorthy’s and all, but we don’t have to walk around like it’s the Wizard of Oz,” Richie said, laughing but not pulling away. 

They walked into the hospital room a few moments later, arms still linked, still laughing.


	3. About forgetting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slow burns are for nerds. We work through our trauma by making impulsive big life choices and pushing back trauma work even further

“Oh Ben, you better watch your girl, looks like Richie’s trying to take her,” Eddie said with a laugh when the two of them walked in. No tension in the room, as if Richie never stormed out.

“She doesn’t belong to anybody,” Ben laughed with a shrug.

“Good, because I have to admit, I am deeply in love with this trashmouth,” she said, kissing Richie’s cheek exaggeratedly before pulling away to sit down in her seat. 

“What can I say, I’m a ladies man,” Richie laughed, flopping down at _ his _spot, right next to Eddie.

“Sure you are, just like you were when we were kids,” Eddie said, rolling his eyes. 

“I am! And I was!” Richie argued.

“You were the last of us to lose your-”

“I was not! I was banging your mom before you hit puberty!”

“Actually,” Mike said, tapping his chin in thought, “I’m pretty sure you didn’t even lose it before you left Derry.”

“That’s not true! How could you know that? Stan’s the only one I told that to!”

Everybody laughed hard at that, shaking their heads. Bill pointed out that Stan didn’t need to tell anybody that secret for everybody to know it. 

Richie crossed his arms in defeat and propped his feet up on Eddie’s bed, feigning exhaustion. 

“Ew, Richie! Get you dirty fucking shoes off of my bed! That’s disgusting!” Eddie said, laughing as he pushed at Richie’s shoes.

“C’mon, Eds, you’re moving rooms in a bit anyway, it won’t hurt you, build up that immune system of yours!”

“No! Absolutely not! These are the shoes you wore in the sewers! That’s disgusting!” 

Eddie was still ranting as Richie started to mimic his gestures and facial expressions, looking at the rest of their friends rather than Eddie. And Eddie continued his rant, calling Richie immature and annoying, which Richie took in stride, continuing his mimicking. And everybody was laughing. 

Richie eventually stomped his feet on the ground, which didn’t seem to make Eddie any happier, as he just continued to rant about how incompetant and how filthy Richie could be.

“You know, I gotta say,” Bill said between breaths of Eddie’s rant, “I was a little worried when we came back and saw Eddie asleep, with Richie of all people. I was worried you were really still in some kind of pain or that you weren’t feeling like yourself, but it really looks like you’re completely back to yourself.”

Eddie couldn’t help but laugh at that. And the ranting was over, the feigned anger dissipated. 

They all settled down, relaxing a bit for a minute. Richie and Eddie fighting over the remote as they flicked through the TV channels. Eventually, a doctor and nurse came in and Eddie was to a different room to spend his last twenty-four hours in hospital observation.

The rest of the group followed them down the halls, Richie making ambulance sounds as he followed as close behind Eddie as he could, while a doctor pushed Eddie in a wheelchair. Half of the group laughing, half of the group telling Richie to quiet himself. 

When they got to the new room, Richie noticed there was a partition for a roommate but the second bed was open.

"They're trying to tell me about visiting hours, but they got a second bed in here just for me!" Richie said pointing behind it.

"God don't even try it," Eddie laughed. "Plus you better go wherever you're staying and shower tonight, you smell gross."

"I what?" Richie asked with a gasp, hand over his chest in shock. He looked over at Beverly and asked, "That can't be true, can it?"

"Well, you haven't showered since Neibolt..." Bev pointed out.

"And you smell like cigarettes," Eddie said, looking over at Richie pointedly.

"Me? Oh never, I'm innocent as a-"

"Oh shut up, Richie." Eddie laughed and broke eye contact from Richie so he could look around to everybody else, "None of you have to wait around, you know. I'm better, they said they'll release me tomorrow. I'll head home tomorrow night."

"Eddie, we're not leaving town until we're all out of the hospital and for sure okay," Bill said.

"I am okay," Eddie answered.

"Well I live here, I'm not going anywhere yet," Mike answered.

"Okay, but everybody else-"

“We still don’t know where we’re going,” Bev said, looking over at Ben, the two of them laughing a little, the way new couples do. 

“And my agent’s about ready to kill me, I’m trying to avoid the west coast for as long as I can get away with,” Richie grinned, reaching over to pat Eddie’s arm. “You’re stuck with us.”

Eddie smiled a little and said, “Thanks guys, really. I never had friends like you guys after leaving town. I really went through my whole life thinking I didn’t know what it was like having real friends.”

“Me too,” Ben said, shrugging. “Like, even when I started running or even started working or started my own company, I never really… I don’t know. I had people I talked to or worked with, but…”

“It never felt like a connection that was anything real,” Bill continued. “It was like there was a disconnect. Like somehow _ I _ was different from _ them _, but I just didn’t realize…”

“I didn’t realize what friendships should be, but I blamed it on my job and my relationships. I was always too busy with work or too wrapped up in the terrible guys I would date,” Bev continued quietly, not making eye contact with her friends.

Richie nodded a little and said, “I just thought I was just too much of an asshole to deserve friends.”

“Oh you are,” Eddie said, but he had a big smile on his face. 

Richie laughed. And so did everybody else. And everything was good and happy and Richie couldn’t imagine going back to LA and losing this again forever. He couldn’t believe they were all going to lose this forever. But he refused to be sad, so he made another stupid joke.

They all laughed again and debated and laughed some more until food got brought to Eddie’s room. Eddie started to list off his allergies until Richie gave him the kind of glare that actually made Eddie shut up for a moment. 

Everybody else realized how hungry they were and decided to go down to the food court, but Richie said he was still full from his donut and coffee. 

When it was just Richie and Eddie, the room got surprisingly quiet. More quiet than Richie usually lets any room get. He grabbed the remote from Eddie’s bed and started changing the channel just for something to do.

“Who said you could mess with the TV?”

“I did,” Richie shrugged.

Eddie laughed and shook his head, relaxing back against the pillow. He looked up at the screen, refusing to look at Richie, Richie refusing to look at him.

“Hey, sorry I was a moron earlier,” Eddie said quietly.

“You mean the past forty years?” Richie asked, unable to keep the proud smirk off of his face.

“Really,” Eddie said, still not smiling. “I’m sorry.”

“Did you guys all talk about it when I left? My big gay freak out?”

  
“No man, you know we don’t do that,” Eddie said quietly. “I’m pretty sure that killing It when we were kids taught us all that if we ignore scary stuff that we didn’t want to deal with, it would go away.”

“And sometimes it did,” Richie mumbled. 

“And sometimes it didn’t,” Eddie answered.

Richie laughed for a moment and shook his head, “When I first saw you, when you walked into the restaurant, when our memories were still hazy, I mean, I knew your name. I knew who you were. But I also thought maybe you were my-”

“Your boyfriend back then?” Eddie asked, he laughed a little. Richie flinched.

“I know, ridiculous, right?”

“Not at all. Oh shit, I’m sorry, that’s not why I laughed!” Eddie said quickly. “I thought the same fucking thing. But like, I wasn’t having a big gay freakout before I got here, I just never really, you know, like cared. I mean, Myra came around and it just kind of happened, but I never really cared about women, but I never really thought I was gay either. But then I saw you, I sort of thought the same thing, and thought that I maybe forgot I was gay or something.”

“But then the memories sort of flooded back,” Richie said quietly. “We weren’t boyfriends.”

“But we should have been,” Eddie laughed. “God that would’ve been a wreck. Could you imagine the rest of them trying to keep the peace between us if we dated?”

“You think we’d fight more than we already did.”

“Without a doubt,” Eddie said with a very serious face before laughing.

“Wait, fuck, so wait a minute, hold on, are you for real trying to tell me you’re gay?”

“I think so,” Eddie shrugged.

“And you were either so repressed or so traumatized by Pennywise that you fucking _ forgot _ that you were gay?” Richie laughed and shook his head, “I thought I was fucked up.”

“Well the fucked up part is that I better forget before I get home.”

“Oh you’re just gonna go home and be straight now?”

“Were you gonna come out as soon as you left?”

“Well, no, but that was before you were gay,” Richie said, laughing.

“I still have a wife.”

“Who you woke up afraid of.”

“Yeah, but she’s-”

“Remember when you freaked out on your mom? Gazebos?” Richie asked.

Eddie nodded.

Richie didn’t say anything else, neither did Eddie. It was a long moment of silence filled by the background laughter of a bad sitcom. 

“Yeah, maybe I shouldn't go back there for a while.”

“What’re you gonna do? Rent a corner in Mike’s attic above the library?” Eddie laughed.

“There are more places in the world than New York and Derry,” Eddie laughed.

“Like LA?” Richie asked, raising one eyebrow playfully.

“I mean, yeah, like L.A.” Eddie shrugged.

“Don’t fuck with me Eds, that’s not funny,” Richie laughed.

“I know,” Eddie said. “But I think it’s either going to be repressed and resentful for forever, or I can do the same thing I do whenever I'm around you."

"And what do you do around me?” Richie asked, grinning. 

“I act recklessly, stupidly, and bravely. And I have a shit ton of fun,” Eddie laughed.

“God you’re cheesy,” Richie laughed. “Hey if I take these shoes off, you think I can join you in your new bed even though I smell?” 

“You always smell, Richie, I’ll get used to it.”

Richie laughed and joined Eddie, not giving a fuck what anybody else would say, knowing none of the losers would have anything bad to say anyway. 


	4. no one gets dumped in LA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey i'm gonna explore their sadness eventually but goddamn let them all be happy for a while.

Richie’s laugh came out high and strained as Eddie twisted his arm and Richie’s torso was hanging half off the bed as he slapped Eddie’s non-IV’d arm. Richie would say he was letting Eddie beat him in this stupid hospital bed wrestling match because he was the one in the hospital, but honestly Eddie was much stronger than Richie expected him to be.

“Are you kidding me? We leave you two alone for like ten minutes and you’re wrestling on the bed?” Mike asked, there was no malice in his voice though. 

“Richie, you’re gonna get us kicked out of the hospital,” Bill said, also smiling.

“First of all, it was more than ten mintues!” Richie argued, letting his body flop dramatically as his head hung off the bed, glasses sliding up his face. “Second of all, everybody acts like it’s always my fault! Has anybody here ever even talked to Eddie for more than five minutes?”

“Okay, Richie actually has a point,” Ben teased as he dropped a boxed container of food on the table next to Eddie’s bed for Richie. 

“Excuse me? Are you kidding me? You’re actually kidding me, right?” Eddie shouted, anger turning to Ben, letting go of Richie’s arm.

The release surprised Richie and he slid off the side of the bed, catching himself with his hand to keep himself from actually falling.

“Holy shit, I’m sorry, Rich!” Eddie said, laughing as he reached to help Richie back up.

When Richie sat up in the bed again, he twisted his torso to crack his back, furrowing his brows, “Jeses fucking Christ, Eds. I’m too old for this bullshit.”

“Get over it,” Eddie said, rolling his eyes as he flopped back. But he put his hand over Richie’s own hand in his lap and rubbed his thumb on the skin. They both were trying not to smile like idiots as everybody settled into their normal spots. 

“Thanks for the food,” Richie said, pulling the table over to himself with one hand, refusing to move his other hand away from Eddie.

“Are you seriously going to eat on the bed? No, Richie, that’s gross,” Eddie said, pulling his hand off of Richie’s. 

“There’s a table to eat over! Plus, you ate on the bed!”

“I’m much cleaner than you and a table is no match for your messiness.”

“Whatever, when you’re at  _ my  _ place, I’m eating in bed as often as I want,” Richie said, sliding off the bed, slumping down in his chair dramatically.

“Wait, so you’re going out to LA with Richie?” Mike was the first person to fill the silence that came after Richie’s dramatic declaration.

“Oh yeah, I-” Eddie seemed flustered.

“I can’t believe everybody’s going somewhere sunny but me!” Mike broke the tension with a laugh.

“Hey, you could come crash on my couch. It may be nice to have someone there to convince Audra I’m not crazy when I try to explain this all to her,” Bill laughed.

“I’m not gonna inconvenience you like that, Bill,” Mike laughed with a shrug.

“Wait, you should take him up on that!” Richie said with a bright grin. He laughed and then his eyes got big as he schemed. “Holy shit guys! Can you imagine the trouble we’d get up to? All seven of us, running around LA being assholes?” He looked over at Ben and Bev and said, “You should think about relocating.”

“Six,” Bill said quietly. 

“Oh six,” Richie corrected himself. His smile dropped and then he smiled again, although it was a sadder smile, “That’s absolutely what Stan the man would’a wanted though.”

Mike laughed and said, “Well Bill, I know you invited me, but Richie double invited me to your place so I may take you up on that offer.” 

“Well we’re probably gonna lay low for a bit,” Beverly said, glancing over at Ben, “But I wouldn’t mind checking out the west coast, maybe.”

“I could use some sun,” Ben shrugged.

“Damn, yes, you two definitely need to be out there! You _ look _ like a Hollywood couple!” Richie said, pointing to them, mouth full of food.

“God you’re so gross,” Eddie laughed. 

“That’s not-”

“What my mom said, god I know. No wonder why you don’t write your own material.”

And everybody laughed, including Richie, who wanted to argue back, but couldn’t help but laugh because god dammit Eddie was funnier than him and smarter than him and god, Richie had all these feelings he was allowed to have for the first time ever. 


	5. drinking & gay jokes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the losers get drunk at a hotel bar on Eddie's last night in the hospital

They were staying in a hotel that was technically outside of Derry. It was only ten minutes outside of Derry, but Richie's stomach knotted at the thought of leaving Eddie in Derry alone for the night. 

So, he did what he always did when he felt anxiety in the pit of his stomach. He drank and made jokes.

The losers were the only people in the hotel bar, but they were loud enough to make it seem full. Everybody was drinking. Bill made a self deprecating joke about his last book, which Bev critiqued in the most pep-talky way. Bored of that conversation, Richie asked Mike what he'd want to do L.A. 

"Well we'll have to go to the shitty overpopulated beach at some point, just so I can see this one in a bathing suit," Richie said, poking at Ben's stomach. 

Ben laughed and pushed Richie's hand away, telling him to shut up.

"Okay, Benny, I'm obviously not into you. Well, I mean, who wouldn't be, but you're not my type. But I think since I just became gay today, you're contractually obligated as my friend to show some skin."

"I think somebody's drunk enough," Ben laughed, pushing Richie's glass away from him slightly.

"Whatever," Richie laughed. "So no jokes about me being gay?"

"You're the one who'd make those jokes," Mike answered, shaking his head fondly.

"Whatever, I think I'm gonna write my own material next tour. A coming out tour, I'll come out as gay _ and _as a bad comedian," Richie laughed.

"That just sounds like material you stole from Eddie," Ben said.

"Shit, Eddie. I can't believe he's alone and we're drinking like assholes."

"Eddie's fine. He's probably asleep. We'll see him bright and early," Mike said.

"Shit," Richie rubbed the back of his neck. "I've never cut myself off in my life, but I think I'm gonna go to my room. I wanna wake up early."

"Are we calling it a night?" Bill asked, overhearing Richie.

"Richie is at least, Eddie's turning him into a new man," Ben teased.

Richie laughed and pointed at Ben as he stood up, "See, that's what I meant. You can joke about it without being as much of an asshole as me."

"I love you, Richie, but anybody can joke without being as much of an asshole as you," Bev said, already standing.

"Shit are we all leaving? Am I the new leader?" He looked at Bill, grinning brightly before putting his hands in his hips and puffing out his chest. He declared, "I _ am _the new leader."

"Why are you looking at me?" Bill said, everybody laughed. Bill waved his hands in feigned surrender, “Fine, fine. Take the title.”

They all made their way down the hallway, some stumbling. Mike went outside to wait for an Uber. Richie and Bill insisted he could stay in their room but Mike insisted on going home. 

Eventually, the lights were out and Richie was staring at a wall.

"Hey Bill?" Richie broke the silence in the dark room, his voice barely traveling to Bill in the other bed.

"Yeah, Richie?"

“Can we turn a goddamn light on? I’m no pussy or anything, but being in the dark is creeping me out.”

“Yeah, Rich, hold on,” Bill stood up and walked to the bathroom, flicking the light on. He looked at the bed, where Richie was still facing the wall. “Better?”

“Yeah,” Richie mumbled. It was silent for a moment. Richie spoke again, “Bill?”

“Yeah, Richie?”

  
“You know how we were all joking about going to LA and actually hanging out and shit?”

“Was that a joke?”

“That’s what I was gonna ask- like, I mean, remember when we were kids and Stan was all _ ahhh we’re not going to be friends when we get older _and everybody told Stan to shut the fuck up, ‘cause of course we’d be friends and then Stan was right, because Stan’s always right? I mean, what if it happens again?”

“We’re not forgetting yet.”

“We haven’t left yet.”

“Yeah, but what if we leave and our memories reshape? Like sure Ben and Bev will be with each other, Eds and I will be, Mike will stay with you, but what if we all forget how it came to be?”

“Mike has a journal. I’ve written some things down.”

“Well that’s not gonna help this dyslexic bitch, who will refuse to read it.”

“We won’t forget, Richie.”

“Okay, fine,” Richie mumbled. “Do you think when our lives aren’t in danger, Eddie will stop liking me?”

“I don’t,” Bill said with certainty. 

“Do you think I’m going to be a bad… like… boyfriend or whatever? Don’t you think he deserves better?”

“I think you’re drunk.”

“Do you think I should put on some pounds, so he doesn’t miss his wife too much?”

Bill couldn’t help but laugh. He repeated, “I think you’re drunk.”

“Whatever. Oh, Richie, you’re being an asshole stop talking. Oh, Richie, you’re drunk, stop talking. Everybody’s always beep beeping me, nobody’s ever _ listening _.”

“I’m listening, Richie, I just don’t agree.”

“Whatever. I’m drunk, I’m going to bed.”

“Goodnight, Richie.”


End file.
